Well the semester is coming to an end. Tomorrow I only have two finals left before my spring break begins, and I can enjoy the beautiful spring weather before Spring semester begins in less than two weeks. This semester has been overall good. I've enjoyed learning in each of my classes and there is still a lot I need to work on. Now can look forward to the new semester with new classes. I am excited for my sewing class that I will be taking. I love my major in Marriage and Family Studies. I am very much into this major, and I enjoy talking/giving comments in my classes, and aborting the material.
Happy Easter to everyone! I hope you all have a great Easter! :)
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Friday, March 30, 2012
Divorce
Divorce ... one word that people never want to hear whether it's a fate a couple close to you, it's you or not. Divorce is never easy for anyone especially children. The divorce rate has been decreasing since the 1980's but still high. Through my classes, I've learned that the divorce rate is high because of those who cohabit before marriage and those who continue to get divorce and remarried. Cohabitation is very interesting. People believe that living together before marriage to "try it out" if they do well because they are afraid of divorce. If it doesn't work, then walk away without any legal documents or anything. To be honest, cohabitation doesn't really lead into marriage and if it does there is a small chance of success. The reason is because people go into cohabitation with the mind set of "no commitment" and they hardly know each other. They don't really live the married life with just simply living together and having kids. There is a lot more to it.
It's sad to hear that people want a divorce just because they simple want out and would tell lies to get out it. In my opinion, divorce should never be an option unless abuse, addition or an affair, but even those things you can work through if the person is willing to change. Some people sees divorce as a way out when you are ready to quit the relationship. How sad. Can you imagine how hard divorce is for children? It was hard for my husband when his father and bio-mother got a divorce when he was 3 years old. The divorce was necessary because she wasn't being faithful and was mentally abusing too. Growing up for him was hard with a mother who didn't really care about him,tried to outshine to be the "better parent" and always trying to fight with his dad. Johnny a lot of the times that he was the problem because he was caught in the middle of it all. I've seen the effects his biologic mother has done to Johnny in putting a lot of blame on him, and it's hurtful sometimes to see that. Some divorces aren't bad and can be a good thing, but others can be very ugly and have long-term hurtful effects. For us, divorce is never the option but to do everything we can to work together towards the eternities.
Although Johnny's biological mother never wanted him, I am grateful each and every day that he is in my life. His father raised him well along with his step-mother(legal mother). They have done a great job. I love him very much. :)
It's sad to hear that people want a divorce just because they simple want out and would tell lies to get out it. In my opinion, divorce should never be an option unless abuse, addition or an affair, but even those things you can work through if the person is willing to change. Some people sees divorce as a way out when you are ready to quit the relationship. How sad. Can you imagine how hard divorce is for children? It was hard for my husband when his father and bio-mother got a divorce when he was 3 years old. The divorce was necessary because she wasn't being faithful and was mentally abusing too. Growing up for him was hard with a mother who didn't really care about him,tried to outshine to be the "better parent" and always trying to fight with his dad. Johnny a lot of the times that he was the problem because he was caught in the middle of it all. I've seen the effects his biologic mother has done to Johnny in putting a lot of blame on him, and it's hurtful sometimes to see that. Some divorces aren't bad and can be a good thing, but others can be very ugly and have long-term hurtful effects. For us, divorce is never the option but to do everything we can to work together towards the eternities.
Although Johnny's biological mother never wanted him, I am grateful each and every day that he is in my life. His father raised him well along with his step-mother(legal mother). They have done a great job. I love him very much. :)
Sunday, March 25, 2012
To Be A Parent or Not To Be
Is it sad how many married couples in the world today contemplate this question? There is a saying in one of my textbooks that I liked. It said, "If you wait until you can afford to have children you will never have them." Of course, having children and raising them do cost a lot of time and money, but they are worth it all in the eternal perceptive. In the textbook, here are some of the reasons as to why people don't want children:
Personal Fulfillment: There are people in this world who find their fulfillment is through their work, interests or their adult relationship.
Focus on Career: There are many couples who are strongly into their careers and find themselves asking reasons not to have children.
Economics Costs
Focus on Marriage
To be honest, in my opinion, why not have children? There isn't a really good reason why not to have children. Even if you are having trouble getting pregnant or can't, that shouldn't stop you from adopting because those children you adopt become yours (not biologically). It's hard being a parent many times but there are moments that being a parent brings you joy, happiness and fun each and everyday. You see your children grow, learn, be successful, and be creative. They can become your best friends. I can't wait for my own children. So I can teach them, and help them each step as they grow.
One thing we talked about was whether or not to spank your children. There was big debate in class about, but what I concluded was I would only spank my children as a last result (not first). There are other ways to have your children to learn. Someone had suggested that talking with them as an adult helps them learn. I like learn more about this subject. For sometimes, children don't why they are being punished or spanked. Each family is different and I am not judging anyone whether they do or don't spank their children. :)
Personal Fulfillment: There are people in this world who find their fulfillment is through their work, interests or their adult relationship.
Focus on Career: There are many couples who are strongly into their careers and find themselves asking reasons not to have children.
Economics Costs
Focus on Marriage
To be honest, in my opinion, why not have children? There isn't a really good reason why not to have children. Even if you are having trouble getting pregnant or can't, that shouldn't stop you from adopting because those children you adopt become yours (not biologically). It's hard being a parent many times but there are moments that being a parent brings you joy, happiness and fun each and everyday. You see your children grow, learn, be successful, and be creative. They can become your best friends. I can't wait for my own children. So I can teach them, and help them each step as they grow.
One thing we talked about was whether or not to spank your children. There was big debate in class about, but what I concluded was I would only spank my children as a last result (not first). There are other ways to have your children to learn. Someone had suggested that talking with them as an adult helps them learn. I like learn more about this subject. For sometimes, children don't why they are being punished or spanked. Each family is different and I am not judging anyone whether they do or don't spank their children. :)
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Too many numbers!!!
When I first started out in my marriage, I had no clue how to budget what so ever. I hardly even knew how to start one. One Sunday in Sunday school, there was a lesson about budgeting and what program the couple who were teaching used. I liked what I saw. Johnny and I got that program and begin to budget. Of course, we've changed it a little bit since then but it helps us to understand what we are spending on and where our money is going. There are many programs such as mint.com, excel worksheets, writing it down, envelop system and much more out there. The hard part is breaking bad habits and staying in budget in some areas. I have found that budgeting helps to learn self-control and organization. It's good to do finances with your spouse if you are married because it allows for both of you to know and understand how things are done, where the money is going and what needs to be improved. In class, we created a budget for a family with 4 children, a dog, two cars and with only making $75,000 a year and $22,000 in debt. As we created this budget, there were a lot of numbers and categories for this family. I thought about a budget as a goal of a limit amount to spend and the goal is to spend less than that and to save more to prepare for the future or emergencies. I also realized what I get to look for to in the future. :)
I did a research paper about budgeting. A few things and tips that I've learned through some research is to have some short-term goals (less than a year) whether it's saving for a vacation/trip, car, paying off credit card and etc. Those short-term goals helps to accomplish those long-term goals in life (more than a year). A budget helps accomplish those short-term goals. Often times, our budget needs to be flexible for emergencies that comes up. We shouldn't underestimate our expensive and overestimate our income, but to try to make it as realistic as possible. It is good to create a budget that works for you than to follow someone else's budget because where you are act will be different from the person next to you. :)
This week we also talked about fathers in the home. We talked about the three p's in the father's role in the home which are preside, protect and provide. Preside- leadership, maintaining present (not ruling over the wife and children). Protect- Spiritual protection, managing influence. Provide- Earn and manage money, Spiritual as well. These three p's are intertwining with each other in many ways that even I didn't think about at first. In a family, there needs to be a father and a mother to raise their children not just the one. Father provides instrumental which helps the children to learn skills to survive physically and socially in this world. Mother provides expressive the emotions such as love, understand. Both can provide both to the children but mother's and father's roles also intertwine that helps each other to give what is needed for their children and each other. There are many homes without a father that makes things difficult for the children in those families because the mother is working to provide for the family and have a harder time to be home with their children.In my perspective, having a father in the home helps to balance in the family more and the same goes with a mother as well. I am excited for when Johnny and I become parents to teach, to play and to learn with our children. :)
I did a research paper about budgeting. A few things and tips that I've learned through some research is to have some short-term goals (less than a year) whether it's saving for a vacation/trip, car, paying off credit card and etc. Those short-term goals helps to accomplish those long-term goals in life (more than a year). A budget helps accomplish those short-term goals. Often times, our budget needs to be flexible for emergencies that comes up. We shouldn't underestimate our expensive and overestimate our income, but to try to make it as realistic as possible. It is good to create a budget that works for you than to follow someone else's budget because where you are act will be different from the person next to you. :)
This week we also talked about fathers in the home. We talked about the three p's in the father's role in the home which are preside, protect and provide. Preside- leadership, maintaining present (not ruling over the wife and children). Protect- Spiritual protection, managing influence. Provide- Earn and manage money, Spiritual as well. These three p's are intertwining with each other in many ways that even I didn't think about at first. In a family, there needs to be a father and a mother to raise their children not just the one. Father provides instrumental which helps the children to learn skills to survive physically and socially in this world. Mother provides expressive the emotions such as love, understand. Both can provide both to the children but mother's and father's roles also intertwine that helps each other to give what is needed for their children and each other. There are many homes without a father that makes things difficult for the children in those families because the mother is working to provide for the family and have a harder time to be home with their children.In my perspective, having a father in the home helps to balance in the family more and the same goes with a mother as well. I am excited for when Johnny and I become parents to teach, to play and to learn with our children. :)
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Say What?
This seem to have a main theme with most of my classes which is about communication. Communication is the biggest thing in our lives of how we interact, express hatred, love and other emotions between two or more people. Try for a moment to think about a world with no communication both verbal and nonverbal, there wouldn't be a world and we wouldn't exist because although we might not think we are communicating at times, we do all the time. There are two types of communication which are verbal and nonverbal. Nonverbal are tones in the voice, gestures, facial expressions and much more. Often times, people don't understand that our non verbal communication stand out and says a lot more than the words coming out of our mouth. There are eight functions of nonverbal behavior which are:
1. Can complement our words such as saying "I love you" to your sweetheart.
2. Can also contradict our words.
3. Repeat our message.
4. Regulate communication.
5. Substitute for words.
6. Accent the verbal message.
7. Trigger attributions.
8. Influence both the attitudes and the behavior of others.
Although communicating what you would like others to knows, a good communication key is to simply listen! Sounds easy enough but it can be difficult. An example of this is a quote I read this past week. "When I ask you to listen and you start giving advice, you have not done what I have asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't fell that way, you are trampling on my feelings. When I ask you to listen and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as it may seem. Listen! All I ask is that you listen; not talk or do -- just hear me." There are many times people want you to simply listen to them not give advice, solve their problem unless asked to. To be honest before I was married, this is exactly what I wanted and needed for people to simply listen because that's all I needed not advice, why I should and shouldn't feel and how to solve problems that I solved myself already. Effective listening is to repeat or paraphrase what that person who is speaking had just said. This way they know you are listening and wanting to understand. Really listening to understand first then to be understood. By trying to be understood, you'll have a hard time communicating with others because you are more focused on yourself and how you feel.
We can do,learn, and help others by listening and communicating well. It takes practice!
1. Can complement our words such as saying "I love you" to your sweetheart.
2. Can also contradict our words.
3. Repeat our message.
4. Regulate communication.
5. Substitute for words.
6. Accent the verbal message.
7. Trigger attributions.
8. Influence both the attitudes and the behavior of others.
Although communicating what you would like others to knows, a good communication key is to simply listen! Sounds easy enough but it can be difficult. An example of this is a quote I read this past week. "When I ask you to listen and you start giving advice, you have not done what I have asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't fell that way, you are trampling on my feelings. When I ask you to listen and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as it may seem. Listen! All I ask is that you listen; not talk or do -- just hear me." There are many times people want you to simply listen to them not give advice, solve their problem unless asked to. To be honest before I was married, this is exactly what I wanted and needed for people to simply listen because that's all I needed not advice, why I should and shouldn't feel and how to solve problems that I solved myself already. Effective listening is to repeat or paraphrase what that person who is speaking had just said. This way they know you are listening and wanting to understand. Really listening to understand first then to be understood. By trying to be understood, you'll have a hard time communicating with others because you are more focused on yourself and how you feel.
We can do,learn, and help others by listening and communicating well. It takes practice!
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Can You Handle It?
I remember a few years ago, when I was stress about school, friends, job and etc, I would go to my dance studio for rehearsals and all that stress seem to wash away. I've discovered and repeatedly remember that when I dance I forget about my problems or the things that are troubling me. I can think more clearly afterwards. Often times, music can do the same for me too. Each one of us has way to handle stress individually. Each family has their way of handling stress and a crisis.
This week our topic was about family crisis and the family life cycle. Each family can have the same crisis such as a death, or serious illness in the family. Some families are more calm and handle situations well. Whereas, other families handles situations as a tragedy or as if it's the end of the world. Looking back, I have noticed my family handles family crisis very well to which they're mainly stress than a crisis. In our discussion, we talked about the ABCX model where A is the stressor event (hardships, trials), B is the management of stress, C refers to the definition of the event and X is the result which is Crisis. We all go through many hardships, trials, and even crisis through out our lives. Without these things, we wouldn't really learn anything about ourselves, our family, the people around us and how much stronger we become going through those things. Sure we all handle crisis different but it's the outcome and lessons we learn that matters the most. A crisis can bring a family or people together and be closer or it can put more of a wedge on the relationships. We are all here to help each other work it through this life and to enjoy it to it's fullest capability.
This week our topic was about family crisis and the family life cycle. Each family can have the same crisis such as a death, or serious illness in the family. Some families are more calm and handle situations well. Whereas, other families handles situations as a tragedy or as if it's the end of the world. Looking back, I have noticed my family handles family crisis very well to which they're mainly stress than a crisis. In our discussion, we talked about the ABCX model where A is the stressor event (hardships, trials), B is the management of stress, C refers to the definition of the event and X is the result which is Crisis. We all go through many hardships, trials, and even crisis through out our lives. Without these things, we wouldn't really learn anything about ourselves, our family, the people around us and how much stronger we become going through those things. Sure we all handle crisis different but it's the outcome and lessons we learn that matters the most. A crisis can bring a family or people together and be closer or it can put more of a wedge on the relationships. We are all here to help each other work it through this life and to enjoy it to it's fullest capability.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Oh ... Dear
After being married for four months, it becomes interesting the things I understand now than I did when I was single. One of those topics was about sex. We discussed about human sexuality and birth control this week. We mainly talked about the four different stages the body goes through throughout sex (not to worry). During the discussion/lesson, my main thoughts were towards comparing myself between before and after married. When I was single, I did classes such as marriage prep, anatomy and physiology, and the family were we touch base on this subject. With hearing the different talks from the first presidency and quorum of the twelve, I thought I knew a good understanding about human sexuality. It wasn't until I was married that I saw the greater and deeper meaning that the Authorities of the church talked about or describe. In the world, there are many shows out there that portrays human sexuality to flaunt it out there, no need for marriage(because it will go down hill anyway),and single life gets more sex than married. Of course, none of those things are true in any shape or form and shouldn't believe any of those. Those are only true if you personally make them true in your own life. Sex is a sacred manner between couples that unifies their mind, body and soul because you are giving everything to your spouse and only her or him. If you gave it away before marriage, you can't get it back to give all to the one person who truly deserves it.
Yesterday, we talked about birth control which got a good part of the class talking. The reason is because each one of us has our own opinions about when to begin having children. About a month ago in my ward, we had a lesson about not asking the question of "why don't you have children?" or "when are you going to kids?" This subject is a touchy subject for many because a couple might have troubles trying to get pregnant, there might other problems in the marriage that we don't know of. What it comes down to, this big, personal and sacred decision of when to begin having children is between the husband, the wife and the Lord. Whether you are taking some form of birth control or not,when the Lord wants you to have a child, He will "put" that child in you (meaning the wife). There is nothing that will stop Him from having His children come forth into this world. Although we might not feel personally ready to take on those huge responsibilities of these children, the Lord knows who we are better than we know ourselves. He trusts us with His children. There might be times when we might not be asking when we need to have a child, the Lord will let us know when it is the right time in many ways. For those who have trouble with getting pregnant,fear not because your children will come to you, even if they don't come directly through you(such as adoption), but the Lord hasn't forgotten you.
As for me, I do not when I'll begin having children at this time, but I do know that Johnny and I will excited for them to join our family when they do come.
Yesterday, we talked about birth control which got a good part of the class talking. The reason is because each one of us has our own opinions about when to begin having children. About a month ago in my ward, we had a lesson about not asking the question of "why don't you have children?" or "when are you going to kids?" This subject is a touchy subject for many because a couple might have troubles trying to get pregnant, there might other problems in the marriage that we don't know of. What it comes down to, this big, personal and sacred decision of when to begin having children is between the husband, the wife and the Lord. Whether you are taking some form of birth control or not,when the Lord wants you to have a child, He will "put" that child in you (meaning the wife). There is nothing that will stop Him from having His children come forth into this world. Although we might not feel personally ready to take on those huge responsibilities of these children, the Lord knows who we are better than we know ourselves. He trusts us with His children. There might be times when we might not be asking when we need to have a child, the Lord will let us know when it is the right time in many ways. For those who have trouble with getting pregnant,fear not because your children will come to you, even if they don't come directly through you(such as adoption), but the Lord hasn't forgotten you.
As for me, I do not when I'll begin having children at this time, but I do know that Johnny and I will excited for them to join our family when they do come.
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